It has been a very long time since I last posted here.
Let's see. Ally has gotten on hormones, started presenting full time, switched jobs, switched from electrolysis to laser, and has legally changed her name. Soon she should have her gender marker changed on her license, which shouldn't affect the legality of our marriage or my health coverage, thankfully. Her parents have also made significant progress. They're both using her new name and pronouns (though her dad still makes it into a dramatic performance each time).
There have been a lot of ups and downs on that end. Her mother has been mostly good news; she did research and found support (inside and outside her church) and started using Ally's new name and pronouns right away and everything. We met up with her at the train station one day and it was swell. Ally was so nervous, but her mom had /such/ a huge smile on her face to see us. The same smile I'm used to seeing whenever we visit. I've missed her.
Her father has had a much harder time. I'm not sure he's used to having a parent-child relationship with Ally; he's used to talking to her as a peer. So when this came up, he didn't give her distance from his insecurities -- he presented them full force. Because, hey, you might do that with your best buddy, right? It'd still be horribly immoral -- telling someone they are obviously not suffering from the thing they say they are because they can't make their case against you (while they are sick, uncertain of themselves, in need of your support and significantly less able to make such a case.) But it is definitely something people do.
Finding out that Ally is transgendered just isn't an emotional thing for me, so I totally don't get either of their responses, let alone her dad's response -- which, to me, is ludicrously overblown. I can imagine that's a bigger deal when she's your child, and you've known her 18 years longer than I have...but I just don't understand the investment in the gender. He (made the mistake of saying) that he feels like he's losing a son. On one hand, I know that is an emotional thing, and emotions are stupid. On the other hand -- what? That's not how transgenderism works! You never had a son, you aren't losing any child, you are /gaining/ information about the child you always had. You should be rejoicing, because the child you LOVE can /finally/ seek treatment for an illness she's been suffering from for her entire /life/!
More than anything else, I wish it had occurred to him to call me. Ally says it probably never occurred to him because I'm an in-law. But while he was so worried that Ally was making a wrong decision, or that he was losing someone...he could have called me and I could have reassured him. Ally is the same person I married. And more than that... She's happier, she's more energetic, she's more stable, she smiles more, she laughs more. As I explained to my own mom, these are the classical signs of overcoming depression with successful treatment.
I returned to school last semester and finished up the Spanish class I dropped out of. It was an important class that is a prerequisite for every other class in my major. Now I only need 33 credit hours, 24 from the Spanish language school and the other 9 from any single discipline outside of Spanish. I've chosen linguistics to supplement my in-major focus on Spanish linguistics, so I'll be taking 3 classes in upper level "regular" linguistics and 3 classes in Hispanic linguistics. There will be some overlap in material, since the Hispanic linguistic courses are designed for students who haven't taken any English-language courses on the subject, but I hope there will be a divergence in information covered. I'd particularly like it if the Spanish courses focuses on morphological rules. That would increase my vocabulary exponentially.
The others will likely be literature courses, which have so far been pretty stressful and work-intense classes -- but quite productive in terms of increasing vocabulary and command of the written language. I'm also impressed at just how much classical culture gets packed into those courses. Even playing video games has turned up references to some of the things I've read, watched, or talked about in class.
This semester I'm taking an introduction to linguistics and an introduction to African American studies -- or: "OMG Language!" and "Remedial American History for White People". They're both pretty awesome classes. The linguistics class doesn't count toward my major, but it is a prerequisite for other linguistics courses. It'll also be super useful for when I take Hispanic linguistics.
Showing posts with label treatment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label treatment. Show all posts
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Saturday, September 3, 2011
update: meds, school, electrolysis, hormones
It's been a while since I've posted, which is a decent sign that things have been going well.
The boost in antidepressants has helped a GREAT deal. My mood has been largely stable and, well, not depressed. I /have/ spent a significant amount of time in that wobbly zone between euthymia and depression. It's where I feel like I'm euthymic, but I know I'm not because I'm experiencing classical symptoms of depression--forgetfulness, missing doses, not wanting to shower, not eating properly, sleeping in too late, and so on. Ally has helped me by checking to make sure I'm taking my meds, and I put in the extra effort to make sure I'm doing everything else.
These last couple days, I've started taking brief walks around the neighborhood. I think I may soon be out of the wobbly zone and into euthymia. The exercise has a huge positive effect, but after only 3 days, I don't want to declare victory prematurely.
I didn't enroll this semester. I was admitted, BUT I wasn't informed by the school until we kept harassing them. We finally found someone competent enough to figure out what had happened, oh, 3 days before the start of the semester. So I said (in so many words) 'Fuck it, I'm not making myself sick to work around your fuck-up, I'm enrolling next semester.' So now I have to reapply, AGAIN. But it shouldn't be too big an issue--again, I'm free money. The school likes money, even if they are utterly incompetent at collecting it.
Ally's therapist has approved her for hormones, finally. She'll be getting her a permission note within the month, which Ally needs to take to a doctor for a script. She's really happy to be finally getting hormones, and I am too. And her therapist has been really useful on other issues. On the other hand, I kind of want to give her therapist a piece of my mind. Ally could have been on hormones much earlier. Why did she have to wait so long for a frikkin' /permission note/ (what is she, 10?) Yeah, I had to have doctors approve my treatment, too, and do you know how long that took? On average, one appointment. As in: "Okay, if those are your symptoms, let's try this treatment." I understand hormones have a more permanent affect on the body, but I still don't understand the wait. The therapist has an obligation to explain that sort of thing, and apparently she hasn't. I /hate/ doctors who don't explain why they are doing what they are doing.
But whatever.
Ally has started electrolysis on her facial hair. It hurts a lot and also limits her shaving, so she gets depressed more easily. Yesterday we were able to hang out with friends while she was a "werewolf", which was a big step for her. It worked out pretty okay. I had a really good time, and got in some good conversation, which isn't too common. Ally was a sweetie and, when I started talking, grabbed part of the group to the game room for a game of Dominion to make it easier for me to continue being part of the conversation (one of the people she took to the game room was our impulsive/loud friend, who has a tendency to blurt things out and scream randomly; he's funny as hell, but it's in his nature to talk over others).
I've got some things to do today, including apply for Spring semester, so I guess it's time to cut this short.
The boost in antidepressants has helped a GREAT deal. My mood has been largely stable and, well, not depressed. I /have/ spent a significant amount of time in that wobbly zone between euthymia and depression. It's where I feel like I'm euthymic, but I know I'm not because I'm experiencing classical symptoms of depression--forgetfulness, missing doses, not wanting to shower, not eating properly, sleeping in too late, and so on. Ally has helped me by checking to make sure I'm taking my meds, and I put in the extra effort to make sure I'm doing everything else.
These last couple days, I've started taking brief walks around the neighborhood. I think I may soon be out of the wobbly zone and into euthymia. The exercise has a huge positive effect, but after only 3 days, I don't want to declare victory prematurely.
I didn't enroll this semester. I was admitted, BUT I wasn't informed by the school until we kept harassing them. We finally found someone competent enough to figure out what had happened, oh, 3 days before the start of the semester. So I said (in so many words) 'Fuck it, I'm not making myself sick to work around your fuck-up, I'm enrolling next semester.' So now I have to reapply, AGAIN. But it shouldn't be too big an issue--again, I'm free money. The school likes money, even if they are utterly incompetent at collecting it.
Ally's therapist has approved her for hormones, finally. She'll be getting her a permission note within the month, which Ally needs to take to a doctor for a script. She's really happy to be finally getting hormones, and I am too. And her therapist has been really useful on other issues. On the other hand, I kind of want to give her therapist a piece of my mind. Ally could have been on hormones much earlier. Why did she have to wait so long for a frikkin' /permission note/ (what is she, 10?) Yeah, I had to have doctors approve my treatment, too, and do you know how long that took? On average, one appointment. As in: "Okay, if those are your symptoms, let's try this treatment." I understand hormones have a more permanent affect on the body, but I still don't understand the wait. The therapist has an obligation to explain that sort of thing, and apparently she hasn't. I /hate/ doctors who don't explain why they are doing what they are doing.
But whatever.
Ally has started electrolysis on her facial hair. It hurts a lot and also limits her shaving, so she gets depressed more easily. Yesterday we were able to hang out with friends while she was a "werewolf", which was a big step for her. It worked out pretty okay. I had a really good time, and got in some good conversation, which isn't too common. Ally was a sweetie and, when I started talking, grabbed part of the group to the game room for a game of Dominion to make it easier for me to continue being part of the conversation (one of the people she took to the game room was our impulsive/loud friend, who has a tendency to blurt things out and scream randomly; he's funny as hell, but it's in his nature to talk over others).
I've got some things to do today, including apply for Spring semester, so I guess it's time to cut this short.
Monday, June 27, 2011
psych appt
I saw my psychiatrist today. We're upping my evening dose of antidepressants. I think it will help a lot, especially when the school year starts up again.
Still waiting to hear back from school to hear if I've been readmitted. I don't see why I wouldn't be, but it'll be another couple weeks before my readmission application is processed.
I withdrew last semester due to stress. It was a combination of [1] Ally suddenly realizing she's transgendered, without "realizing" it or having any supports in place (other than me), and [2] my making some serious time management mistakes in class. [1] Is no longer as big a problem (Ally has more supports in place, including professional ones), and [2] is something I won't let happen again.
I did really like the time off, though.
Still waiting to hear back from school to hear if I've been readmitted. I don't see why I wouldn't be, but it'll be another couple weeks before my readmission application is processed.
I withdrew last semester due to stress. It was a combination of [1] Ally suddenly realizing she's transgendered, without "realizing" it or having any supports in place (other than me), and [2] my making some serious time management mistakes in class. [1] Is no longer as big a problem (Ally has more supports in place, including professional ones), and [2] is something I won't let happen again.
I did really like the time off, though.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
compare + contrast
Ally has said to me: "Everything seems so much more real now. People, especially, but even the laptop and that hat seem more real."
When I was finally stabilized on bipolar treatment and began living on my own, I had a completely different experience. Everything felt /unreal/--floaty and dreamlike. For a year and a little longer, my perception of the world was tainted by an overwhelming sense of wonder and awe that extreme emotions were /no longer influencing my every action/. Most of my interactions with people were done with half my mind dedicated to thoughts about how that interaction would have been impossible for the first 20 years of my life.
Mind you, I don't /like/ to compare my bipolar to A's transgenderism. It's not something I do deliberately and consciously. It's just that bipolar is such a huge part of my life, and getting treatment was such a dramatically transformative experience, that I tend to automatically view the entire world through a bipolar lens, noting similiarities and differences. It's actually why I'm glad to see a significant difference between my experience and A's. I mean, you're bound to share a number of similarities when you both live a large part of your younger life suffering from something /really big/, but not knowing "what's wrong" with you.
I don't see transgenderism as a mental illness. I see it as a societal issue, first, and a bodily issue, second. It's only a bodily issue, of course, if the transperson finds it to be so. Of course, when untreated, it can cause mental problems, but that's true for basically any untreated physical problem.
But then, I believe that most mental illnesses are likely to be physical in nature. We just lack the technology to see what is causing the real problem. It's like that one ST:TNG episode, where a woman attempts to use a magnifying glass to diagnose a man suffering from radiation; she concludes the problem is that his blood is boiling. (Why, yes, I /did/ just use a Star Trek analogy to bolster my argument. What?)
It's a little hard for me to balance this belief with the belief that there's nothing shameful about mental illness. I don't think (that I think that) there is anything shameful about mental illness, but I know my society sure as hell does. Really, "mental illness" is really just a great big dumping ground for the things whose dominant "symptoms" are such as we, as a society, find far /icky/.
Speaking of, the DSM-5's coming out soon. Proposed changes for Bipolar and Related Disorders can be found at http://www.dsm5.org/proposedrevision/Pages/BipolarandRelatedDisorders.aspx . There are many new subtypes, which I am glad to see. I especially like "Substance-Induced Bipolar Disorder" (if not the name) and "Other Specified Bipolar Disorder" (it has numerous subtypes: for example, "Subsyndromal Hypomania - Short Duration" is for a bipole with all around normal Bipolar type II symptoms EXCEPT their hypomanias don't last long enough for a Bipolar type II diagnosis). Good stuff, IMO. I'm a little surprised, though, to not see anything specific for juvenile bipolar disorder, which is symptomatically quite different from BD in adults.
The (second set of) proposed revisions for "Gender Dysphoria in Adults" (previously proposed change was "Gender Incongruence"; it's "Gender Identity Disorder" in DSM-IV) can be found at http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions/Pages/proposedrevision.aspx?rid=482# . The "Rationale" tab elaborates on the odd status of GD as a mental symptom of a bodily problem.
When I was finally stabilized on bipolar treatment and began living on my own, I had a completely different experience. Everything felt /unreal/--floaty and dreamlike. For a year and a little longer, my perception of the world was tainted by an overwhelming sense of wonder and awe that extreme emotions were /no longer influencing my every action/. Most of my interactions with people were done with half my mind dedicated to thoughts about how that interaction would have been impossible for the first 20 years of my life.
Mind you, I don't /like/ to compare my bipolar to A's transgenderism. It's not something I do deliberately and consciously. It's just that bipolar is such a huge part of my life, and getting treatment was such a dramatically transformative experience, that I tend to automatically view the entire world through a bipolar lens, noting similiarities and differences. It's actually why I'm glad to see a significant difference between my experience and A's. I mean, you're bound to share a number of similarities when you both live a large part of your younger life suffering from something /really big/, but not knowing "what's wrong" with you.
I don't see transgenderism as a mental illness. I see it as a societal issue, first, and a bodily issue, second. It's only a bodily issue, of course, if the transperson finds it to be so. Of course, when untreated, it can cause mental problems, but that's true for basically any untreated physical problem.
But then, I believe that most mental illnesses are likely to be physical in nature. We just lack the technology to see what is causing the real problem. It's like that one ST:TNG episode, where a woman attempts to use a magnifying glass to diagnose a man suffering from radiation; she concludes the problem is that his blood is boiling. (Why, yes, I /did/ just use a Star Trek analogy to bolster my argument. What?)
It's a little hard for me to balance this belief with the belief that there's nothing shameful about mental illness. I don't think (that I think that) there is anything shameful about mental illness, but I know my society sure as hell does. Really, "mental illness" is really just a great big dumping ground for the things whose dominant "symptoms" are such as we, as a society, find far /icky/.
Speaking of, the DSM-5's coming out soon. Proposed changes for Bipolar and Related Disorders can be found at http://www.dsm5.org/proposedrevision/Pages/BipolarandRelatedDisorders.aspx . There are many new subtypes, which I am glad to see. I especially like "Substance-Induced Bipolar Disorder" (if not the name) and "Other Specified Bipolar Disorder" (it has numerous subtypes: for example, "Subsyndromal Hypomania - Short Duration" is for a bipole with all around normal Bipolar type II symptoms EXCEPT their hypomanias don't last long enough for a Bipolar type II diagnosis). Good stuff, IMO. I'm a little surprised, though, to not see anything specific for juvenile bipolar disorder, which is symptomatically quite different from BD in adults.
The (second set of) proposed revisions for "Gender Dysphoria in Adults" (previously proposed change was "Gender Incongruence"; it's "Gender Identity Disorder" in DSM-IV) can be found at http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions/Pages/proposedrevision.aspx?rid=482# . The "Rationale" tab elaborates on the odd status of GD as a mental symptom of a bodily problem.
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